MEM Takes Over Impact (1/29 TNA Impact Recap)

Impact opens with a message brought to us by the Main Event Mafia.  The Mafia tells us that they have given us countless hours of entertainment but a new force is trying to destroy the respect they have spent years to establish.  They say they will fight the good fight against the Front Line to preserve the integrity of this business.

We then see Kurt Angle setting up shop in Jeff Jarrett’s office.  Jim Cornette comes in and says that he cannot take over the show.  Angle says it’s too bad and it’s happening before telling security to take Cornette out of the office.  Cornette tells the security to get their hands off of him and sits on the couch in the office.

The Impact intro hits as we are welcomed to the show by Black Snow (Booker T) and Chet Lemon (Kevin Nash) at the broadcast table.  Tonight’s show will feature the Kongtourage against ODB in a handicap match, Petey Williams vs. Matt Morgan where Williams has to have one hand tied behind his back.  Plus, Booker T will be taking on Rudy Charles and Andrew Thomas and Sting will take on Team 3D in a handicap match.

We head to the backstage area where Sharmell is standing by with ODB, who says that she would be all over her if it wasn’t for her bodyguard standing by her side.  As for her match, she knows what’s she’s walking into and she is drunk and ready to go.  Sharmell says that her friends, Taylor Wilde and Roxxi, have been escorted from the building, so she has no backup tonight.

We then head to the ring where Scott Steiner is the ring announcer and his introductions are mostly bleeped out as he stumbles and intentionally messes up with their names.

Match 1: Kongtourage vs. ODB (Handicap Match)
The match starts and Sojourner Bolt works over ODB in the corner for a bit until ODB sends her out to the floor.  Rhaka Khan comes in but ODB is able to quickly send her out to the floor.  Raisha Saeed is the next one in and ODB takes her down with a clothesline before sending her out to the floor.  Awesome Kong is the next one in and ODB works her over in the corner before she takes the other three out with a cross body block.  The numbers game proves to be too much for her and Kong hits the Implant Buster and picks up the pin fall win.

Kurt Angle is celebrating in the office for the great start to his show as Cornette is irate in the corner.  Jeremy Borash pleads for him to reconsider and go on with the show as normal.  Angle says the point of this is to hurt people and that he evened it out by putting Sting in a handicap match.  Borash says that Mick Foley is on his way with backup and Angle says he is begging Foley to come and tells Borash to make himself useful by selling their merchandise.

Sharmell is standing by with the referees and asks them what they are going to do after they are crippled by Booker T.  Thomas says he isn’t a wrestler and Charles says that he is an amateur wrestler and will come out fighting.  He tells Thomas to follow his lead.

Scott Steiner says this next match is going to be a meat grinder as the referees have no chances.  This brings us to our next match.

Match 2: Andrew Thomas & Rudy Charles vs. Booker T
Andrew Thomas doesn’t want to come out but Rudy Charles is able to coax him out to the ring.  Black Snow steps out from behind the announce table to take time to allow Booker T to participate in this match.  Scott Steiner fills in for his spot at the announce table.

The bell rings and Booker takes Charles down with a clothesline before laying him out with a kick.  Booker nails Charles with an axe kick before making Charles tag in Thomas, who is taken down with a hard clothesline.  Booker then drives Thomas down with the Book End to put this match away.

After the match, Booker grabs Earl Hebner and begins talking until Shane Sewell comes in and begins laying into Booker with some rights.  His offense is short lived, however, as Booker is able to nail him with an axe kick.

We head back to the office when Angle says this is the greatest night in TNA history.  Sting comes in and says that he knows what he is up to.  Sting asks what he wants at Against All Odds, Sting as a friend or Sting as a foe before he walks away.

Sharmell is standing by with Matt Morgan who asks about his upcoming match against Petey Williams tonight.  Morgan says talks about his year with American Gladiators and having his DNA sent into space, but none of that compares to his match tonight.  Morgan says he has sympathy for no man and tells Abyss to watch closely to find out what makes him the genetically jacked, athletically stacked, giant walking today.

Scott Steiner is in the ring to announce the next match and he pleads with President Barack Obama to stop building a wall to keep the Mexicans out, but to start building a wall to keep the Canadians out.

Match 3: Matt Morgan vs. Petey Williams (One Arm Tied behind Petey’s Back)
Williams’ arm is tied behind his back and this match starts as Morgan drops to his knees and begs for a shot and Williams takes him down with a dropkick.  Williams continues to work Morgan over with kicks and punches until Morgan takes him down with a clothesline.

Morgan hits a side slam and covers but he picks Williams up before the three count.  Morgan does the same after a fallaway slam as Steiner comes in and gives Morgan some advice.  With his attention diverted, Slick Johnson unties Williams’ arm and he plays possum and nails him with a series of punches before nailing Morgan with a missile dropkick.  Williams then knocks Steiner off the ring apron but it gives Morgan time to recover and he nails Williams with the Carbon Footprint and he picks up the victory.

After the match, Morgan continues to beat on Williams and lands the Hellevator before Steiner locks in the Steiner Recliner.  Consequences Creed, Jay Lethal and Eric Young run down to the ring to assist their partner but Booker T comes into the ring with a microphone to continue his commentary and helps lay out the Front Line.

Team 3D come out to the ring and Brother Ray grabs a microphone.  Ray says he feels bad for Sting and says that Kurt Angle has backed him in a corner against one of the greatest tag teams as Chet Lemon asks if Harlem Heat is in the house.  Ray then tells Sting to not take the ass whooping tonight personal.

Match 4: Team 3D vs. Sting (Handicap Match)
Sting and Brother Devon start the match out and Devon takes Sting down with a headlock and works him over with a armbar before tagging in Brother Ray.  Team 3D continues to methodically work over Sting and tag in and out of the match until Sting stops the momentum by rolling out of the ring.  Scott Steiner gives him some advice as Ray knocks him down and rolls Sting back into the ring as we head into a commercial break.

Sting pokes Devon in the eyes and continues with a snap suplex as we head back from commercial.  The two then knock each other down with clotheslines and Devon is able to make the tag to Ray, who knocks Sting down with a couple of clotheslines and picks up a two count after a side suplex.  Scott Steiner begins distraction the referee as Kurt Angle comes in and nails Ray with a low blow.  Sting then hits a DDT but it isn’t enough to keep Ray down.

Devon comes in the ring but Sting nails him with a Stinger Splash but Team 3D is able to answer back with a top rope clothesline.  Kurt Angle then interferes in the match once again and Earl Hebner disqualifies Sting.  Angle, Steiner, Sting continue to beat down Team 3D as Booker slides a table in the ring.  As they set the table up in the ring, Mick Foley’s music hits as the LAX, Abyss and Foley come to the rescue and clear the ring as we head into a commercial.

Mick Foley gets on the microphone and says that their time running the show is over.  Next, Foley says that Hernandez will get another shot at the TNA World Championship since his first match ended prematurely.  Foley then books Steiner in a weapons match against Abyss but Steiner will not be able to use any weapons.  As for Angle, Foley books him in a handicap match of his own against the LAX.

Jim Cornette is in the back with some of the regular TNA staff and tells them to go out to do their jobs as he escorts Mike Tenay and Don West out to the announce booth as he has an announcement to make about Against All Odds.

We return to the announce table as Mike Tenay and Don West run down the Against All Odds card.  Jim Cornette then gets on the microphone and adds a match to the pay-per-view and says it will be Booker T against Shane Sewell.

Match 5: Scott Steiner vs. Abyss (Weapons Match)
Three trash cans full of weapons are at Abyss’ disposal for this match up.  Abyss begins tossing weapons into the ring and Steiner goes on the early attack before the bell rings.  Abyss is able to fight back with a few clotheslines before he sets up a chair in the corner of the ring.  The fight goes out to the floor and Abyss smashes Steiner’s head into the ring bell and sets him up against the Spanish announce table.  Abyss charges at Steiner but he ducks out of the way and Abyss goes smashing through it as we head into a commercial.

We return to the match to see Steiner in control and he grabs a chair but Slick Johnson stops him from using it.  Abyss then punches the chair into Steiner’s face and nails him with a trash can to pick up a two count.  Steiner is able to come back with a low blow before he sends Abyss into the chair that was set up in the ring.

Steiner goes out and grabs the ring bell but Abyss is able to grab him and slam him down into a trash can but it isn’t enough to put him away as Steiner is seen bleeding from the forehead.  Abyss grabs the ring bell and Steiner hits Abyss with the lead pipe as Slick Johnson calls for the bell but it is already in the ring.

Steiner continues to attack Abyss and nails him with repeated chair shots as the lights go out in the Impact Zone and Suicide comes down to the ring and takes out Steiner.  The lights go out once again and he is gone.

A vignette for Brutus Magnus is aired that tells us he will debut next week.  We then see a video package of their record breaking attendance tour of the UK.  When then get to see Lauren interview some of the stars of the Toughest Cowboy, which is up next.  Beer Money comes out and James Storm calls himself the toughest cowboy for riding one of their moms as they quickly cut away.

Match 6: The LAX vs. Kurt Angle (Handicap Match)
Homicide works over Kurt Angle and takes him down with an hurricanrana and tags in Hernandez after taking Angle down with a shoulder block.  The LAX use some double team moves on Angle and Hernandez dumps him out to the floor with a clothesline before diving over the ropes and landing on Angle as we head into a commercial break.

We return to the match to see Angle in control and takes Homicide down with a release overhead suplex.  Angle then puts Homicide in the ankle lock but he is able to kick out of it and takes Angle down with a DDT.  Homicide tags Hernandez in but Earl Hebner doesn’t see the tag and makes him go back to the outside.

Angle continues working on Homicide but Homicide is able to fight back and the two go into a nice series of reversals and counters which lands into another ankle lock on Homicide.  Homicide is able to roll through and Hernandez lands a shoulder block before he sends him flying across the ring.

Hernandez continues and hits Angle with a powerbomb before trying for a Border Toss, but Angle is able to get out of it.  Angle sends Hernandez flying into the ring post as Homicide sneaks in from behind with a quick rollup but Angle is able to kick out.  Homicide then hits the Gringo Cutter and tries for the Gringo Killer but Angle is able to counter into the Angle Slam and picks up the pin fall.

A video with Samoa Joe is aired when he says he wants to introduce the real Samoa Joe to the Main Event Mafia.  Joe is sporting a new haircut and a Samoan tattoo on his face as Impact comes to a close.

Quick Results
- Kongtourage defeated ODB by pin fall in a handicap match.
- Booker T defeated Rudy Charles and Andrew Thomas by pin fall.
- Matt Morgan defeated Petey Williams by pin fall.
- Team 3D defeated Sting by disqualification in a handicap match.
- Abyss defeated Scott Steiner by disqualification.
- Kurt Angle defeated the LAX by pin fall in a handicap match.

Starman’s Thoughts
Wow, where can I start with this week’s show.  Well, I guess Kurt Angle delivered on his promise by taking everyone out in TNA and running the show.  I will have to admit, though, that I never thought I would ever long for the soothing voices of Mike Tenay and Don West.  One hour of hearing Booker T and Kevin Nash on commentary was more than enough for me.

As a matter of fact, the whole first hour of Impact was the worst hour of any wrestling program I have ever seen.  If TNA was trying to lower the bar, they succeeded with flying colors.  After some semblance of normalcy returned in the second hour, it didn’t get much better.  Not until the final 30 seconds of the show at least.

Samoa Joe’s return to the ring is something that I feel is desperately needed.  Joe hasn’t been gone for long, however, his presence in the fold has been missed in my opinion.  Hopefully the whining and complaining wrestler that he has been molded in to over the past year is left out of his return.

There is a small part of me begs to wonder, though, if Joe will return only to side with the Mafia.  Samoa Joe fits the mold as a former World Champion, however, he doesn’t fit in with the whole respect aspect the Mafia seems to be after.  If Joe does jump sides, who could really blame him?  I would want to side with the people who are winners, and as the Mafia showed tonight, they are basically unstoppable even with the odds stacked up against them.  Hell, Kurt Angle single handedly defeated one of the better tag teams of TNA by himself.

Well, at least Abyss is almost back to being the monster he once was.  And for the record, Chet Lemon is a retired baseball player who was part of the 1984 World Series Champion Detroit Tigers, which also happens to be Kevin Nash’s hometown.

That’s about all I have to say about this week’s mostly unwatchable show.