The Mating Game (7/3 Impact Recap)

Impact opens with a recap of the drama between the Angles and AJ Styles, Team 3D putting Christian Cage through a glass table and the tension between Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash after Joe accidently leveled Nash with a kick to the face as Booker T ducked out of the way.

The Impact intro hits and we are welcomed to this week’s show that will feature a series of blind dates for Kurt Angle, another Bimbo Brawl and the second round of the World X Cup will take place with singles action.

AJ Styles’ music hits and he comes down to the ring with Karen Angle holding his hand.  Styles says that Kurt Angle went too far last week and calls out Angle so they can get their war over with.  Team 3D’s music hits as Brother Ray and Brother Devon come out instead and remind him that he isn’t at the Impact Zone as he is on a few blind dates.  Ray then repeatedly calls Karen a couple of unflattering names that causes Styles to react by throwing some punches.

Styles is able to hold his own against Team 3D for a while until the numbers game catches up with him.  Team 3D sends Styles shoulder first into the steel steps before taking him down with a double team neckbreaker in the ring.  Devon then slides in a table but Rhino comes to the aid of Styles with a chair that makes Team 3D bail out of the ring.

Rhino promises that Cage will be back by Victory Road and then proposes a six-man tag match with him, Cage and Styles against Team 3D and Kurt Angle.  Rhino then proposes that the fans decide whether or not it is a tables match or a Full Metal Mayhem match.  Devon accepts the challenge on behalf of his team and says that their blood will be on the hands of the fans.

At the announce table Mike Tenay says that the six-man tag match at Victory Road is official, which only took a matter of seconds to be approved I guess, and says that the fans will have the opportunity to select the match type.  Don West also previews another match tonight that will be Raisha Saeed against Taylor, in which if Taylor wins, she will get another shot at Awesome Kong next week.  The rematch, however, will not just for the money, but also for the Knockout Championship.

Footage of Kurt Angle’s first blind date is aired.  The first one will be a nice workout at a gym and he has Jeremy Borash along to film footage of the dates.  Angle enters the gym and says that she is supposed to be near the rock wall and heads over to it.  He meets an attractive lady there, but it isn’t the one he is looking for.  He walks around the wall and sees a woman that Borash describes as a “human medicine ball,” and she is upset for having to wait long for him.  Angle doesn’t appreciate the blind date set up and says the joke is on him.

The LAX, Salinas and Hector Guerrero join us via satellite from Houston, TX, where they are promoting the Victory Road event.   Guerrero promises to beat James Storm, Robert Roode and Jacquelyn like dogs at Victory Road and hopes that the fans come out in droves to support them, while the rest of them yell and bark at the screen.

The music of Storm & Roode interrupts their feed and come out to the ring and Storm tells Guerrero to shut up as he can’t even understand him and he isn’t even drunk… yet.  Storm begins to go off on a rant but I couldn’t really understand what he is saying as Guerrero is yelling in Spanish via satellite during Storm’s mic time.  I guess it wasn’t too important as the Motorcity Machine Guns come out to get the first match underway.

Match 1: Beer Money vs. the Motorcity Machine Guns
The Machine Guns use their speed, double team moves and quick tags to work over both Storm and Roode to gain total control of the match in the early going.  Storm, however, lands a cheap shot on Sabin to finally slow down their momentum.  Roode is able to score a two count on Sabin after Storm kicks him in the back of the head followed by a dropkick by Roode.  Sabin, however, is able to roll back to his corner and make the much needed tag to Shelley.

The match begins to break down shortly after with all four in the ring.  Storm has Shelley tied up as Jacquelyn climbs up on the apron and spits beer at him, but Shelley ducks and she blinds Storm with the beer instead.  Shelley then rolls up Storm and picks up the three count for the victory.  Their victory celebration is short-lived, though, as they are soon handcuffed to the ropes as they begin whipping them with some leather straps.

Security and referees try to stop the assault but they are just whipped away.  Even Don West feels the wrath of the strap before they grab Dave Penzer and toss him into the ring and begin whipping him as well.  Jim Cornette comes out and threatens to fire them before saying that he is going to go back and find the two biggest disgruntled wrestlers in the back and they will be taking them on tonight.

Footage of Kurt Angle’s second blind date is aired and this time he is sitting at a bar when the woman shows up.  As Angle begins to talk about himself, Borash notices that the girl has chest hair and an adam’s apple.  Angle finally realizes that he is a man and tells his date to warn Brother Ray that he is going to kick his ass on Thursday night.

Match 2: Moose vs. Roxxi (Bimbo Brawl)
Moose wheels out a shopping cart full of signs and hockey sticks and it is time for a Bimbo Brawl.  Moose goes on the attack before Roxxi even makes it into the ring and takes her down with a Russian leg sweep while using a hockey stick across Roxxi’s throat.  Moose rams Roxxi head first into the steps before trying to send the shopping cart at her but it catches on the floor mat and Roxxi uses that to her advantage before sending Moose head first into the cart.

Moose comes back, though, and nails Roxxi in the head with a series of shots with the baking sheets before rolling her back in the ring.  In the ring, Roxxi comes back and uses a street sign, hockey stick, steel chair and anything else against Moose.  Roxxi sets up a chair in the corner and tries to charge at Moose, but she is able to get out of the way and Roxxi goes head first into the chair.  Moose then delivers a DDT to Roxxi on the street sign which is enough to pick up the win and busts Roxxi’s forehead open in the process.

Kevin Nash is with Jim Cornette in his office.  Cornette says that Storm and Roode need to be put in their place and asks him to be part of the team that helps solve the problem.  Nash says that if he does it, Cornette will owe him big.  Nash then asks about his partner and Cornette says it will be Samoa Joe.  Nash says there is no problem with him teaming with Joe but wishes him luck when Cornette tells Joe.

After a commercial break, Samoa Joe is sitting in Cornette’s office as Cornette tries to butter him up by piling on the praise before asking him to help take care of Storm and Roode and put them in their place.  Joe agrees to it and then asks who his partner is but soon realizes that it is Nash before Cornette can say anything.  Joe says that he doesn’t trust Nash and says he wants nothing to do with him.  Cornette says that he has to do it as he is a contracted talent to TNA.

A video package highlighting the turmoil between Joe and Nash is aired that barely focuses on Joe’s next challenge, Booker T.

Footage of the third and final blind date is aired and Kurt Angle is having dinner with a normal woman and is telling her all about himself and his life growing up, however, the woman continues to excuse herself from the table several times.  Angle begins to wonder what is going on and thinks that she is bulimic.  Angle confronts her about it when she returns but she says that she has a spastic colon.  Angle then makes fun of her about the condition and the woman abruptly leaves.

Match 3: Team International vs. Team Mexico (World X Cup 2nd Round Match)
Alex Kozlov and Rey Bucanero are representing their teams in the second round singles matchup.  Bucanero goes for the first strike and takes Kozlov down with a back breaker.  Bucanero dropkicks Kozlov through the ropes and follows him out by sliding out of the ring but Kozlov gets out of the way and Bucanero falls out to the floor.  Kozlov then nails a flip dive over the top rope and onto Bucanero and lands on his feet.  Kozlov rolls Bucanero back in the ring and tries to continue on the attack but Bucanero is able to grab him and drop him on his neck and that may have injuried Kozlov’s neck.  Bucanero then lands a spinning senton to pick up the pin fall.  Team Mexico now has three points in the tournament and Team International still has zero.

Kurt Angle has arrived at the Impact Zone and Borash tells him that Team 3D has accepted a six-man tag match at Victory Road.  Angle doesn’t care about that right now, he just wants to get his revenge on Brother Ray for the three blind dates he was just set up on.

Kurt Angle heads out to the ring and calls out Brother Ray to the ring.  Both Ray and Devon come out and Ray tells him about their match at Victory Road and say that they will have the advantage as they took out Cage last week.  Ray wants to go to the back and talk about it but Angle is still more concerned about them poking fun at his love life.  Ray apologizes by saying that he lost his black book and used Devon’s instead.  Ray then says that he picked up a girl that was an 11 last night and saved her for him instead and calls her out to the ring.

Sandy comes out to the ring as Angle eyes her down.  Angle asks her what she offers and she says that she likes to have fun and is loyal.  Angle says no female is loyal and says that they are all liars and cheaters.  Angle compares Sandy to his wife as the Beautiful People come out and give her the brown bag treatment.

Karen Angle comes out and shoves both Love and Sky down before slapping her husband across the face.  Karen is then surrounded by the five of them until AJ Styles, Rhino, Gail Kim and ODB come down to her rescue and clear the ring.

Jeremy Borash joins Booker T in his pimped out dressing room and asks for his thoughts on Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash teaming together tonight.  Booker says he likes it and Nash will cause Joe to lose focus on the real task at hand, Booker himself.  Booker says he has it all in the palm of his hands except for the World Championship, but soon he will have that, too.

The next installment of TNA Rough Cut on Matt Morgan is aired and this week it is about Morgan living his dream and becoming a pro wrestler.  He says he was getting paid to learn how to wrestle at OVW and met his mentor, Jim Cornette, there.  Morgan then says that he was called up to WWE Smackdown too early and was able to face Kurt Angle in a six man tag match in his debut.  Both Angle and Cornette feel that Morgan was misused in WWE and given a lame stuttering gimmick but Morgan says he loved the experience and gave him the desire to keep going.

Match 4: Team Japan vs. Team TNA (World X Cup 2nd Round Match)
Milano Collection AT and his invisible dog are representing Team Japan and Curry Man is fighting for Team TNA in this singles contest.  Curry Man and Milano both try to make quick pin attempts on each other to end this match quickly and earn the points for their team.  Milano goes for a high risk move but plays to the crowd a bit too long and Curry Man is able to slam him down to the canvas to turn the match into his favor.

Curry Man nails Milano with a clothesline and goes for the cover but Milano is able to bridge out of it and rise to his feet before the three count.  Milano and Curry Man then go back and forth with a few pin attempts until Curry Man lifts Milano up for the Spice Rack that Milano is able to get out of and he shoves Curry Man into the referee.  This allows Milano to land a low blow on Curry Man that brings him down to the mat and he follows with a springboard moonsault for the pin fall and puts his team on the scoreboard.

Beer Money is backstage with Lauren and Roode wonders if they had to whip people with straps to get noticed around TNA.  Storm warns the LAX that they will be bringing bigger straps to Houston and tell them that their people will get beat down.  As for Joe and Nash, they will see that there is a new sheriff in town, and that is Beer Money.

Match 5: Raisha Saeed vs. Taylor
The bell rings and these two meet in the middle with fists.  Taylor then tosses Saeed around with a couple of arm drags and tries to leap off the rope at Saeed but Saeed catches her with a boot to the midsection.  Taylor rolls out to the floor and Awesome Kong levels her with a clothesline as Saeed goes out and tosses her into the steel steps.

Back in the ring, Saeed suplexes and slams Taylor around and nearly picks up the win.  Saeed then tries for a moonsault, but Taylor rolls out of the way and Taylor comes back with a hurricanrana.  Taylor then delivers a series of kicks and goes for the cover but Kong pulls the referee out.  Taylor then swings through the ropes to kick Kong into the guard rail and gives Saeed a German suplex with a bridge to pick up the win and gets the opportunity to face Kong next week for the title.

Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash are seen walking their own separate ways to the ring as the main event will be up next.

Another video package highlighting Gail Kim’s career is aired and she said that her winning the TNA Knockout Championship was the best moment of her career.  Love, on the other hand, said that she threw up in her mouth a bit after seeing that happen and says that she will hold the belt longer than she did when she gets the opportunity.

Match 6: Beer Money vs. Kevin Nash & Samoa Joe
Nash begins the match for his team and holds his own against both members of Beer Money and picks up a two count after delivering a side slam to Roode.  Joe tags himself into the match a mimics Nash’s corner move on Roode.  Roode makes it to his corner to tag in Storm and Joe takes him down with a knee to the face as Beer Money tries to regroup on the outside and we head into a commercial.

We return to see Roode in control of the match and is working over Joe.  Both Storm and Roode work well together and beat down Joe until Joe is able to deliver a snap slam to Storm.  Nash puts out his hand to make a tag but Joe won’t tag him in and Nash comes in anyway and beats down both Roode and Storm.  Nash continues to attack Storm on the outside as Joe locks in the rear naked choke on Roode, but Roode counters with a mule kick.  Roode is unable to come back with anything and Joe delivers the muscle buster to pick up the pin fall.

After the match both Nash and Joe jaw back and forth as we suddenly hear the music of Sting, who is standing in the rafters above the ring and Impact comes to a close.

Quick Results
- The Motorcity Machine Guns defeated Beer Money by pin fall.
- Moose defeated Roxxi by pin fall in a Bimbo Brawl.
- Rey Bucanero defeated Alex Kozlov by pin fall in a World X Cup Match.
- Milano Collection AT defeated Curry Man by pin fall in a World X Cup Match.
- Taylor defeated Raisha Saeed by pin fall.
- Samoa Joe & Kevin Nash defeated Beer Money by pin fall.

Starman’s Thoughts
Two things really stick out to me with tonight’s broadcast, one good and one bad.  For the good, I wasn’t expecting the Sting presence at the end of the show.  It is moments like these when I am glad that I stay away from spoilers like they carry the plague.  Anyway, at the moment, I’m not sure where Sting fits in the Joe/Nash/Booker picture, but I am curious to find out.

For the bad, I don’t think I will be the only one who thought this was stupid, but the team that is challenging for the tag team titles in a couple of weeks just lost twice during tonight’s broadcast.  The first match I could see as it was a quick roll up pin and they got their payback afterwards, but then to lose in the main event as well?  Talk about losing all momentum for their match.

Since I am on the topic of Beer Money, which is a great name by the way, let me get a shot in at their opposition.  Can the LAX just drop their association with Hector Guerrero and Salinas sometime soon?  Their via satellite promo from Houston, TX, which looked a lot like the Impact Zone, was horrible.  It may have been the combination of the English, Spanish and barking being shouted out during it, but I couldn’t understand a single word of it.  They might as well just have had played some static and it would have the same effect on me.

Here’s to hoping that their promo skills either improve or there are some changes in the near future.